Prime Minister John Key is keen to see New Zealand bars’ opening hours extended during the impending 2015 Rugby World Cup.

Initially the Greens Party was against the idea because as we all know the Greens have always been against the promotion of change, particularly if there’s a danger of that change resulting in somebody’s good time.

Good old National though, they want to see that every Kiwi has the chance to view every World Cup match from the dank surrounds of their local bar while pushing excess blood-alcohol and nibbling on meat pies.

Now seemingly the Greens have – at risk of appearing unpopular – performed a quick about turn on the matter; now they’re all for late-night/early-morning boozing.

Imagine it – up in the morning, quick shower, shave, teeth brush, then rushing to the nearest sports bar by seven, sipping your first beer ten minutes later, hooking into a mince and cheese pie breakfast – oh wow, it’s gonna be great.

Yeah but, I thought the whole reason for restricting the hours bars could legally be open was to reduce the incidence of drunken violence, vandalism and all around uncivilised behaviour on New Zealand streets after dark..?

It was, sure, but it’s only gonna be for a couple of months, so it won’t really matter.

I see, so for a couple of months the nation will be essentially impervious to the idiocy, violence and the criminal activity inspired by late night alcohol consumption..?

Well yeah, oh, nah but, you know…

Or for those few months have the nation’s recidivist binge drinkers promised to curb their reckless behaviour, thereby ensuring a safe late-night environment for all?

Well, they might have…

Oh I see, or perhaps for the duration of the World Cup the nation’s younger drinkers who have yet to develop the tolerance which would allow them to party all night and into the next day, have agreed to ease back on their alcohol intake..?

Shit I dunno – leave me alone, it’s wasn’t my idea.

Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Leah T Knight

Photography by Shan Nan Higgins