Monthly Archives: July 2016

Tim Walker’s Fustigator XXXII

 

I am generally uplifting yet to some not so much.

I am without strength yet I contain great power.

I am aurally stimulating yet some will disapprove.

I am without feeling yet can indeed be emotive.

I am recognised in multiple forms yet all are me.

I am without opinion yet have ability to polarise.

I am sometimes classical yet ultimately timeless.

I am without brainpower yet can make one think.

I am heard in decibels yet can be eleven bells too.

I am without base yet I do sometimes have bass.

I am in rhyme with too sick yet always avoid illness.

I am without stereotype yet prefer a type of stereo.

 

WHAT AM I?

 

 

 

 

 

Last edition’s Fustigator: Love

Tim Walker’s Bottled

At the prospect of having their water drilled, bottled and sold Ashburton lobbyists are saying: “You can’t have it because it’s mine.”

While some might perceive the above as a childish, even petulant stance, for the Ashburton locals their water is precious…

Going back a few years these same locals were in uproar when it was revealed their drinking water might contain trace amounts of nitrate (see, Rate of Nitrate), a result of chemical leaching caused by heavy fertilisation coupled with even heavier irrigation, during those dry summer months on the Canterbury Plains.

…The fact a water bottling plant would employ hundreds and ultimately do wondrous things for the Ashburton economy seems unimportant: it’s Ashburton’s water table and apparently locals would much rather see millions of litres of untapped water draining into the ocean never again to be seen in desalinated form, than to witness that bloody National Government profit from such an enterprise.

Here’s a fun fact: a wealthy Government is generally tantamount to a wealthy people – if New Zealand’s Government were more cashed up it could afford to impose less tax on its population while providing better support to areas such as healthcare and education.

Still, amid a nation of budding eco-warriors cum small-minded bigots, it’s easy to see how the thought of our pristine water being drunk by foreigners is upsetting.

Best let it go back into the ocean where it belongs, eh.

 

 

Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Water N Ocean

Photography by Wais Ted Ray-Sauce

Tim Walker’s Homeless II

They reckon that every New Zealander has the right to own their own home; it’s the Kiwi dream, they say.

Some Kiwis choose to drop out of high school at or before age 15, promptly fall in with the wrong crowd, subsequently fall pregnant to any number of fathers over the coming years, then can only watch as their plummeting existence spirals still further from the bounds of a constructive adulthood.

Some Kiwis – the multitude of fathers comprising the aforementioned ‘wrong crowd’ included – simply aren’t equipped for the responsibility involved in home ownership.

Some Kiwis seem to aspire to nothing more than a Government funded existence, rationing out benefits to cover cigarettes, alcohol, and all that dog-roll for their couple of Rottweilers; who then turn their state house into a meth lab to cover costs but through a lack of knowledge end up incinerating the kitchen and are consequently evicted, only for the house to be later demolished on account of excess chemical contamination.

The Opposition wants to spend a few billion dollars on building affordable housing to be marketed exclusively to first home buyers…

I think the idea of a first home buyer’s first home being a brand new, purpose built abode is ridiculous; when one sees the way some of the more uneducated, unskilled, unmotivated and/or hitherto homeless folk treat their possessions, their lives and/or each other, I believe one ought to seriously re-evaluate the merit in practically gifting these people a home.

…Which means less that the Opposition is a benevolent institution and more that you, the taxpayer, will be expected to fund the lives of those who lack the will/desire/knowledge/ability/dedication or indeed the wherewithal to fund it themselves.

Some Kiwis knowingly paint themselves as undesirables from a young age, start running with a similar group of undesirables and before long, undesirables are breeding undesirability.

At least now if Labour end up in power, and if they stay true to their word, the undesirables will have nice new houses in Auckland to wreck.

 

 

Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Lai Buzz Plan

Photography by Ana D Cira-Bull

 

 

 

 

Tim Walker’s Language

The question of whether Te Reo Maori should become an intrinsic part of New Zealand school curriculum has elicited a decidedly passionate response.

In my opinion there is no question; if select parents want their children spending that time at school learning a dying language, it is only fair that it is the choice of those parents rather than the school…

Both sides of the debate are hotly contested with, perhaps expectedly, anyone of Maori heritage claiming the Te Reo language is a big part of New Zealand culture and should therefore be a compulsory subject in schools.

…Better yet if that student wants to waste their time assimilating a language which in the years to come will undoubtedly vanish from existence – similar in fact to the last full-blooded Maori person – let that student say so, while implementing the more commonly spoken and indeed their more familiar, English tongue…

The intention is to keep the language, or at least the history of the Maori language alive, with the hope future generations will benefit from the associated culture.

…Talk of making Te Reo compulsory is reminiscent of last century’s ridiculous ‘Bible in Schools’ or ‘Scripture’ sessions which, when I attended primary school was compulsory and which, for impressionable young, hitherto uncorrupted, healthily atheistic pupils, I now feel was tantamount to forcible brainwashing but which, thankfully, I believe students currently have the choice regarding which theory (fact or fiction) to learn.

French, German, Japanese, Hindi, especially Mandarin, or even Latin, are all worthwhile languages that a child could be learning at school; in a time where tourism is a massive industry and our world is almost totally interactive, why should a child stunt their growth by learning to speak a tongue that, amid the vastness of a worldwide arena, has little clout and ultimately no prospects?

The future of international tourism starts with the Asian continent and ends up somewhere in Europe – these vehement subscribers to Te Reo becoming compulsory in schools are patriotic, sure, but are they practical?

 

 

Article by Tim Walker

Edited by U S Lass

Photography by Lang Gage

 

 

 

Tim Walker’s Fustigator XXXI

 

I am one of the strongest yet have no guns.

I am without vision yet am highly subjective.

I am admired by most yet indulged by fewer.

I am without prejudice yet I do incite enmity.

I am warmth yet have been known to be cold.

I am without feeling yet I inspire masses of it.

I am happiness yet I can also be depressing.

I am without heart yet this is my clichéd focus.

I am in quote yet one need more than just me.

I am to be made yet need interspersed course.

I am mistaken for all us three yet only take two.

I am rhymed with the bird without the turtle.

 

WHAT AM I?

 

 

 

 

 

Last edition’s Fustigator: Sex

Tim Walker’s Fustigator XXX

 

I am on paper short yet always desired to be long.

I am generally athletic yet sometimes it is apathetic.

I am a rousing activity yet less frequent than ideal.

I am responsible for much effort yet mostly by men.

I am increasingly common yet still considered taboo.

I am a player of errant golf shots yet some overlook.

I am extremely powerful yet powerfully emotional.

I am an entire industry yet not mentioned publicly.

I am limited not by climatic shifts yet if I could see.

I am entirely of muscle yet I always have one bone.

I am affectionate yet at the same time I am bestial.

I am engenderer of delight yet both play the organ.

I am an Australian half dozen yet I call that an orgy.

 

WHAT AM I?

 

 

 

 

 

Last edition’s Fustigator: Marriage