Mit Reklaw’s Truth on Privacy

If I may, I would like to address those regular New Zealand citizens who live such morally reprehensible, perilously deviant and conspiratorial lifestyles that they require the utmost privacy from the outside world – you know the ones…

Those same people who find it unthinkable that their Government should want to spy on them, because they take part in such delicate and volatile situations that it is imperative that their actions remain unseen and unknown…

You know, those typical, everyday Kiwi folk.

What’s that you say? You don’t know anyone like that? You say that you have nothing to hide because you are in fact not a terrorist? You have nothing to hide – what’s that? – because you are doing nothing wrong? That can’t be right. That sounds far too logical; surely..?

Believe it or leave it, that is the logic of it. You see, unless you or your family make a habit of dastardly deeds or illicit practices, you really have nothing to fear from this fabled GCSB hype.

What’s that you say now, breach of human rights..?

Yeah, no shit. How about you dry your precious little eyes, wipe your snotty little nose and wake the hell up. Our human rights have been the property of the NZ Government for years; perhaps your head was just too far up your arse for you to notice. We used to have freedom of speech, too. That liberty was withdrawn with such subtlety that nobody seemed to even notice that now when somebody publicly mentions, ‘Dwarf tossing’, ‘Naked mud wrestling’, ‘Catching a nigger by the toe’ or how they’d like to ‘Use that damned Treaty of Waitangi as toilet paper’, it sparks ripple upon ripple of unspoken unrest.

Unspoken because nowadays, unless you’re a politician, it is not seen as ‘proper etiquette’ to speak one’s mind in public; thus we don’t.

The good old GCSB. Huh. I wager $500 that as up in arms as you might be about this so called, personal violation, right at this moment, you have no idea what that abbreviation even symbolises. Government Communications Security Bureau. People, it’s not a personal attack. It’s not even true spying for God’s sake. What, do you reckon they have their own special 21st century Sean Connery to come and infiltrate your living quarters? Honestly, what would our Government have to gain by looking over your shoulder? Do you really think they’re going to ping you for always parking in that Handicapped spot then swiftly and ably disembarking? Do you think that they’re going to finally get around to blaming you for stealing all those office supplies for which you have so little use? Or are you worried about them eavesdropping on your phone calls then informing your spouse of the adulterous conversations you’ve been conducting with the high school music teacher? Really? Again, what would they have to gain by entering your personal space?

Less than bugger all, that’s what. So most likely, they won’t.

Prime Minister John Key reckons that the passing of this new bill making it legal for Government Officials to keep a watchful eye on whomever they choose is for our own good, being vigilant of potential terrorists and such. Not a lot of people buy into that claim admittedly; but so what? If you don’t want it to be an obtrusion, don’t let it be. It’s that simple. If you don’t want your life disrupted, then take no notice of the GCSB.

Here’s a fun fact. The aforementioned was created in 1977. Who knew? It has therefore been in operation for over 25 years. Did you know that? The Government Communications Security Bureau. Securing Government Communications for over 25 years. Huh. So. Has it ever affected your life?

So in five years’ time when I ask you that same question, what makes you think you’ll have a different response?



Article by Mit Reklaw

Edited by Constance Pyer

Photography by Eve S Druppin




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