Monthly Archives: February 2017

Tim Walker’s Sexual

Wasn’t all that long ago that a man’s life would be invariably destroyed by one woman’s accusation of rape.

In recent times however the lines seem to have become blurred, smudged beneath a concoction of low-priced wine and even lower-valued self respect.

Scott Kuggleijn was one man who recently avoided the aforementioned lifetime sentence, in likelihood, thanks largely to his national/social standing as a Northern Districts cricketer.

Perhaps also working in Mr Kuggleijn’s favour is the fact that, where ten years ago being implicated in a case of sexual misconduct was unequivocally damning to a man’s reputation and indeed ruinous to his life, these days rape charges – both young and old, of both young and old – are thrown around with such frequency and even sometimes flippancy, that the number of those accusations which (perhaps arguably) turn out to have come from purely attention/fame-hungry or simply gold-digging women – the names Jackson, Cosby, Harris, Penn, Tyson, Depp, Pitt and Travolta spring to mind – are undermining, even belittling to the seriousness of the situations of those women who genuinely have experienced sexually assault.

In this recent case Kuggleijn’s alleged victim – the young woman who allowed a renowned sportsman to accompany her home after meeting him for the first time in a bar that night – claimed that although they had shed most of their clothes and gone to bed together, regarding intercourse she had in fact said ‘no’ multiple times…

I do wonder how many loving relationships exist in New Zealand today, which only blossomed into fruition after a drunken night on the town where a hitherto unknown boy had made himself known to a hitherto unattainable girl whom he then succeeded in accompanying home and furthermore into her bed but where she had then experienced second thoughts prompting her to confusedly utter, “No, no…” while of course he still had his first thoughts which clearly stated, “Yes, yes…” thus the rest is history..?

…Kuggleijn’s alleged victim claimed that she was so drunk at the time she really had no way of controlling the situation anyway meaning technically, she was legally past the point of being able to give consent…

Taking into account reports of ‘kissing, touching, fondling’, ‘groping’, and ‘very flirtatious behaviour’, witnessed by like-minded revellers at the bar on the night in question, seemingly she was ‘controlling the situation’ reasonably well up until that moment therefore the concession of ‘implied consent’ was probably in play.

…Kuggleijn’s alleged victim claimed she struggled and writhed beneath him during the act of sex, and tried to fend him off numerous times…

From my rudimentary understanding of all things carnal, that’s just sex and by the sound of it, not even particularly rough sex.

As mentioned Kuggleijn was successful in defending his case, extricating himself from the unpleasantness while ensuring that his reputation was kept free from any considerable damage; what is considerably damaging though is the affect of ongoing desensitisation the above incident, and others like it, is likely having on future witnesses to claims of rape.

‘The Boy who Cried Wolf’ is at risk of becoming ‘The Girl who Cried Rape’, in that stories of young women – often intoxicated and sometimes with limited recollection of events – coming forward to claim they have been the targets of sexual assault are so very commonplace in the 21st century, and so often later shown to have been false or baseless accusations, that many people’s first instinct nowadays is to simply dismiss the charge as farce.

So what about those women who genuinely have been violated – how is a jury supposed to distinguish ‘a drunken mistake that she can’t believe she made so cries rape if only to save face in the eyes of her friends’, from, ‘the deplorable crime that is sexual assault’?

Similarities are so few there should be no need for distinction.



Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Ash Howey Drinking

Photography by Dick T Tsar



Tim Walker’s Cathedral III

For whatever monetary value the Christchurch Cathedral was insured, over six years of litigating, procrastinating, decision-making; ultimately time and cost wasting, the church collection plate will surely struggle to cover this shortfall.

Yet – having gradually transitioned from ‘destroyed’ to ‘repairable’, then back to ‘a waste of resources’, before again becoming ‘salvageable’, then being forgotten once more – it seems lobbyists are again pushing for ‘restoration’…

As clearly documented in ‘Tim Walker’s Cathedral II’ – which judging by the frequent use of italics is a rather hotly written piece of scripture – Creationists and bureaucrats have been engaged in discussions/debates/dilatory behaviour regarding the Christchurch Cathedral’s future since its partial, then essential ruination on the mornings of September 4th 2010, then February 22nd 2011 respectively.

…Therefore, lest I repeat myself: simply type in ‘cathedral’ to the Search Box on the right of your screen, click ‘Search’ (or hit ‘Enter’, it really makes no difference), click on the heading ‘Tim Walker’s Cathedral II’, and prepare to have your mind blown by The Idiocy of Man.

Everything written in that – approximately two-year-old – article is still very much pertinent to this most recent Cathedral debate – indicating the issue’s stagnancy – and in fact it touches on some brilliantly valid points – just in case you’d forgotten how insanely farcical this situation had – long ago – become.



Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Dearie Lacked

Photography by Ed E Fuss


Tim Walker’s Protesting X

New Zealand’s Government seems to be conforming more than ever before, meaning our team of resident malcontents are running out of things to protest.

It was surely a grim day for protesters around the country when President Trump rose to power, subsequently calling an end to the TPPA – that was after all their main source of noise-making…

So instead of New Zealand protesters focusing on all things New Zealand, they appear to have since taken on the weight of international issues, and are now protesting on behalf of other nations.

…Someone must also have stopped excavating ancient kauri in New Zealand’s wetlands, or perhaps someone else realised that digging up and exporting half-rotten wood actually wasn’t such an outrage after all, because that source of protest dwindled too…

New Zealand’s protesters have again demonstrated a lack of understanding regarding words and their associated definitions (one might recall a while back how the TPPA was somehow ‘taking our sovereignty’..?), and have for some time been condemning the US election result, claiming of all things (yet again exhibiting their fine free-thinking ability by maintaining exactly the same stance as US protesters), that ‘there was no democracy’ in the outcome.

…They must also have realised that dairy farming wasn’t so much ‘the Devil’s work’ as it was ‘a vital part of the New Zealand economy’; then of course ‘poverty’ and ‘housing crisis’ are some of these protesters’ favourite words to put into chant too, but now that John Key’s gone those marvellous words just don’t seem to have the same nagging quality anymore…

The process of public election practically defines the term ‘democracy’, and in fact the only time I recall a public election being not democratic was way back in the ‘90s, when Sideshow Bob rigged the Springfield mayoral election.

…So after bitching, moaning, and ultimately scare-mongering, armed with the fear that President Trump ‘will destroy the free world’ – when in fact Trump’s initial statements were no more outlandish or inflammatory than those heard by Bush, Clinton, or even Obama during their respective inaugurations – New Zealand’s protesters are now back to pushing the classics: ‘poverty’ (too much), ‘immigration’ (not enough), and ‘the housing crisis’ (too much cost, not enough construction, also too much foreign ownership and such), clearly without realising the gross contradiction they’re unveiling…

These protesting New Zealand citizens have already shown the audacity to complain about the result of one of the US’s proudest democratic institutions, seemingly overlooking the fact that Trump’s rise to power would mean the demise of one of their longest-protested institutions – the TPPA.

…A rise in immigration would obviously require a ‘rise in taxes’ to fund the immediate establishment of these immigrants’ lives, then there is the further ‘housing shortage’ this would subsequently cause as these foreign families were allocated basic dwellings; also let’s not forget the number of ‘jobs they would steal from hardworking Kiwis’, thus the additional ‘poverty’ this would invariably create.

Life must be so simple being a protester – hearing a concept, finding a flaw and outright condemning the notion; running with your opinion, halting progression, disrupting lives, forcing yourself on people who don’t care, preaching your ‘knowledge’ to people who don’t want to hear, all without ever truly understanding the concept’s processes, or its prospective and often even its immediate consequences.



Article by Tim Walker

Edited by O Blevy-Hiss

Photography by Mel Con-Tense

Tim Walker’s Leadership

For as long as there have been projects requiring leadership there have been power-hungry jackasses happy to step up to the task.

New Zealand has a fine history of producing the aforementioned bumptious idiot and, necessary as their overly assertive natures may indeed be to ensuring efficient production, the likelihood is that it is these kinds of leaders-cum-dictators who are responsible for much of the conflict seen in the world today.

At this point I am confident the entity on the tip of everyone’s hypothetical tongue proudly wears the monogram DJT, and that his name in full probably sounds a little something like Ronald Ray Rump…

Evidence of this power-hungry/crazed/drunk behaviour is prominent among political leaders (including the aspiring jackasses who stand for such positions); it’s also among the Police Force (not just in the US either), as well as in an (alarmingly dense) smattering of regular, just plain arrogant, citizens.

…But that’s hardly the point. I fear the point is much more sinister than that, and in fact it might just begin with the issue of parents handing down girls’ names to their baby boys…

Xi Jinping calmly presides over the largest (commie) population in the world. Vladimir Putin is nearby presiding over petty squabbles with neighbouring Ukraine (Petro Poroshenko), between whom the only area of agreement seems to be firing off errant missiles and bringing down other nations’ passenger jets. Tomislav Nikolic is in charge of running Serbia who, together with Bulgaria (Rosen Plevneliev) and Macedonia (Gjorge Ivanov), cannot seem to stop bickering about who holds the more powerful position thus who should decide whose country’s borders ought to go where. Faud Masum and Ali Khamenei take leadership of Iraq and Iran respectively, of whom both are in constant conniptions with the variety of audacious leadership displayed by the US.

…Now while I certainly can’t vouch for the masculinity of Vladimir I do think Putin is a little queer, but what about young Kim? Why only a few years back Mr Dotcom (yeah, wrong one) almost caused the New Zealand election to crash, and much like the computing contraptions that he so adores, I think we can all appreciate in retrospect that that result would have been a classic Control-Alt-Delete moment…

North Korea’s Kim Jong-un, currently just 33 years old and whom, incidentally, was only voted in to his country’s top job – at the age of 30 no less – because his elder sibling was considered ‘not mean enough’ by North Korean election committee elders, thus he was exalted into the position of youngest ever dictator of his country and he therefore, potentially, will be the youngest ever leader to precipitate the annihilation of our largely free world.

…The Right Honourable (and I think downright bloody venerable too) John Key has no doubt cemented himself a place in history as the intrepid Prime Minister who led New Zealand through some of the darkest financial times since the Great Depression (of 1929-39, lifted reportedly, in the US at least – where the whole fracas supposedly began after the 1929 Wall Street collapse – by the commencement of the Second World War where the number of unemployed suddenly reduced by over 7 million, yet their armed forces grew by over 8 and a half)…

US President, Donald J Trump, is surely leaving a decidedly grotesque mark in history also, as he seemingly attempts to make bigotry fashionable once more. At a time where refugees of the modern world are more plentiful than ever this particular leader is making moves to lock them out of his country; also passing eviction orders on existing US-based expatriates while apparently staying true to his word, setting aside national funds to raise his much talked about, hugely infamous erection along the Mexican border.

…Now former New Zealand Prime Minister John Key, after abdicating his role before the world heat truly came on, or more to the point, before his national acceptance truly wore off, in my opinion was as truthful as is prudent for a country’s leader to be, and regarding the maintaining of election promises (which all seasoned politicians understand are merely bribes to improve one’s image throughout the election process meaning that once elected into power a leader is under no realistic obligation to see them through, a message President Trump appears to have missed), it is fair to say that (former) NZ PM John Key did in fact see through his share…

A US High Judge has since passed rulings contradicting several of his President’s orders, putting an immediate block on Trump’s travel bans – deeming them patently unlawful – also maintaining that no person can be forced to leave a country in which they are legally residing, solely on the basis of race.

…After which John unexpectedly bailed, sliding the Key over to his English deputy, before an unbalanced Trump tipped the boat.

So if the world was once wary of Kim Jong-un’s trigger-finger on the nuclear button, how are we supposed to feel now?



Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Ronald Ray Rump

Photography by Nu Claire Boom