Tim Walker’s Obsession

Hell. Moments Gone. That was quite something. In light of such an epic personal awakening, I now find myself in a state of reflection. Also perplexity…

Are the majority of people actually as level headed and normal as they make out, or is this apparent normalcy merely a projection intended to perpetuate the stereotypical image of the ‘easy going, calm and collected Kiwi battler’?

In the throes of my comparatively juvenile existence I have encountered plenty of examples leading me to query the authenticity of this portrayed stoicism. I can’t count how many times I’ve met the ‘typical Kiwi bloke’, oozing his seemingly balanced and totally unaffected mindset; yet who is realistically overworked, under-slept, overstressed, teetering on the brink of insanity and who as a result would struggle to subtract 7 from 15 which incidentally equals the total hours sleep he’s allowed himself over the past three nights leaving him in an unstable and somewhat deranged mental state…

I’ve been said to suffer from some curious afflictions in my lifetime: Hyperthyroidism, Hypomania; Hyperactivity, Insomnia; Hypersensitivity, Hypoalgesia; Tobacco Addiction, Asthma;  Rubral Tremor, Fitness Fanaticism – as that last one’s not so much an affliction as it is a life choice, I’d best leave it there. You’ll see the point in a minute.

One supposedly normal woman once noted that I was ‘such an intellect’; then with the next breath conceded that she ‘loved my crazy’..?

For the record, that’s the first time I ever heard ‘crazy’ used as a noun.

Crazed intellectuals notwithstanding, I spent hours in torrid contemplation over that one. Honestly, it worried me a little. Truth is, something as apparently innocuous and indeed vacuous as mixing the terms ‘intellect’ and ‘crazy’, can lose me a great deal of sleep at night. The reason this next affliction of the mind failed to feature in the fourth paragraph is because I don’t consider the terms Obsessive and Compulsive at all curious – at least that’s what my brain told me to say.

Now sling a D word alongside the existing pair and you can abbreviate like a pro – OCD.

Many normal folk will maintain that OCD relates strictly to numbers therefore any other form of obsessive compulsion is not technically OCD, but what can we really expect from under three hours’ sleep a night? Mine relates primarily to words. I do have other hang-ups, such as neatness, correct object placement and replacement, pattern repetition, equal treatment of sides, only stopping on even numbers and other pointless stuff like that but mainly it’s about words, and the composition of words.

Also grammar, punctuation, parts of speech, page styling and formatting; ultimately words.

Dude. Honestly. Who still uses semi colons?

I do, because I refuse to begin a sentence with the word ‘and’.

But Danielle Steel starts paragraphs with ‘and’.

I know, and it makes me sick. On that note, the word ‘but’ as a sentence beginner, is equally as detestable.

But what about when you need to?

You never need to.

But I do. Sometimes.

Alright then, take a look at your last three buts. Now remove them and read the statements. I think the sentences sound better, clearer; more emphatic.

But why does it matter anyway?

It matters because ‘but’ is a conjunction, a joining word; a sentence filler. Similar to ‘and’ and ‘because’, in most cases, it is possible to avoid in sentence beginnings.

But sometimes it’s not.

Not there though, eh.

And what about ‘and’ or ‘because’?

What about them? How are you not getting it?

Because it’s not natural. But it’s easy to start with conjunctions. And that’s all I was meaning. But anyway, your way’s not normal.

Nice one. Normalcy. Full circle. Yes, my perceived level of normalcy is frighteningly low.

So you’re weird then?

By definition, yes. By colloquial interpretation, no. I’m weird because I’m not typical, usual, regular or ordinary; not because I’m mentally unstable or ill – although…



Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Timothy Walker Dip.Edit

Photography by Anita Break

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