New Zealand’s bee population has been dwindling for a number of years; this much is more fact than theory.

Conservationists, biologists and scaremongers alike however, seem to be having a great time pushing the theory that, given all coloured vegetables are a direct result of pollination, this shortage of honeybees will result in the end of natural produce as we know it.

The first time I heard this assertion I recall smiling understandingly, then shaking my head in dismay. Do these people take us for idiots? I too am aware of bees being less abundant now than they were ten years ago but are we truly supposed to believe that there is no other insect out there that also enjoys traversing between flowers and which is similarly capable of dusting its legs and abdomen with pollen?

Here’s a fun fact: over half of the ‘bees’ out there that ever invade your space resulting in your violent flailing of limbs and swatting of body parts, are in fact wasps. Generally bees don’t give a damn about gorging themselves on your juicy apple at the exact moment you raise it to your mouth, that’s more of a wasp trait and yeah, turns out wasps are equally as good as flying around fields of flowers as their honeybee counterparts…

In reality this theory that conservationists are pushing regarding honeybee Armageddon is simply an attempt to stop farmers using herbicides which, while preventing voracious insects from feasting upon their produce, are indeed harmful to bees. The thing is though, if growers’ herbicides were that detrimental to pollinators, they wouldn’t use them; obviously it is in the farmers’ best interests to maintain a strong pollination presence – even more so, I would hazard, than New Zealand’s ignorant eco-warriors.

…Giving further durability to the future of pollen dissemination are bumblebees, which in fact are some of the greatest pollinators around, then of course there’s always the humble fly which enjoys spitting and sucking on pretty much anything exuding a fragrance.

Truth be told there’s thousand of insects out there which travel indiscriminately from stamen to stamen spreading fertility dust between each, and shit, then there’s the wind; it performs essentially the same task just with a whole lot less accuracy. Ultimately, although in recent years the humble honeybee might have appeared to be struggling to keep up numbers, I scarcely think it’s cause for concern.

Never fear kids, my theory is that the greenies’ theory of an impending bee Armageddon resulting in no pollination hence the end of all natural produce is about as weak as the lime-crete they push as a more eco-friendly alternative to concrete; your broccolis and your Brussels sprouts will always find a way to make it to your dinner plate.

Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Honey B Sting

Photography by Polly N A Thor