Tim Walker’s Self-Defence

I am so bloody sick of shithead teenagers who think they can just walk into dairies demanding something for nothing.

I was ever so proud to see last night in a recent incidence of the above episode the owner decided, ‘No, I will not give you what you are asking and certainly I will not take your shit, you jumped up little good for nothing, fudge-packing, mouth-breathing, faece-eating, urine-gargling, semen-swilling piss-ant – not today, not fucking ever!’ …or something to that effect.

This Indian hero, also known as Rupan Patel, seized the assailant’s firearm, allowed himself to be hurled over the counter of his Rototuna dairy where he then wrestled the filthy shit-bag to the ground. This douche-bag, would-be offender then scarpered out the door and akin to the gust of fairy-dust he truly was, vanished with a poof.

Seeing the resolve in Mr Patel’s eyes, his unwillingness to become just another victim at the hands of New Zealand’s most pathetic example of person, gosh, I was so damned proud of that man.

Nobody has the right to make another feel intimidated; especially when the antagonist is some out-of-work drop-kick with no desire to do anything the least bit beneficial for the progression of the nation who probably expects to get by playing video games all day then leaching off the hard work of others by night, and especially when the aforementioned arse-wipe is one of many gutless wonders who prey on these family businesses, owned and operated by some of the hardest working people in our country.

New Zealand’s burgeoning multi-cultural society, while seen by some as a threat to the nation’s identity, has in fact become the essence, the strength; the beauty of this country.

As for you, you bigoted piece of shit, travesty of a petty criminal, you’ve missed the boat. Burglary went out of fashion in the 90s. You are a waste of human resources. Robbing dairies is no longer even an efficient way to make money. Grow a conscience and above all, for Christ’s sake grow up.

Moreover stop being a dick.



Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Dick Baggy

Photography by V Ann-Grey

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