Since its conception in November 2009, the law prohibiting use of handheld phones while driving has been increasingly flouted.

Over a thousand traffic incidents last year were attributed to ‘driver distraction’, which obviously refers to cell phone use…

There is an $80 fine in place for people caught using their cellular telecommunications devices while operating motor vehicles which when you think about it, is only really a hard day’s smoking cigarettes.

…Makes me wonder though, of all the so called driver distraction out there, how much of it can actually be blamed on cellular usage? What about all the other things people do while driving that will not result in an $80 fine?

What about eating your Big Mac?

What about smoking your cigarette?

What about sipping from your water bottle?

What about applying your eye-liner?

What about dealing with your kids?

What about rearranging your underwear?

What about receiving road head?

Alright, in fairness I think that last one is pretty heavily frowned upon; but it’s not even the least bit discouraged to remove your hand from the wheel, lean into the passenger side, fetch your water bottle then throw your head back majestically as you slurp down the last few millilitres of water.

Back in my diesel mechanic days, somewhere around 2003 I used to operate a veritable shit-box of a car. This 1984 Nissan Pulsar, ‘Pussar’, was rough, she was untidy, she was uncouth, and the wheel alignment was so badly out of whack she would chew out a set of tyres every six months; suffice to say on account of the massive leftward tow driving in a straight line over distance was something of a difficulty. Given how well accustomed I was to having Pussar’s gunmetal-grey semblance pulled over by police at least once a fortnight, I always ensured she was kept unequivocally road-legal.

One occasion I recall coming home from work I was, not uncharacteristically, driving with my knee – if I spun the wheel a quarter-turn to the right and wedged the patella in place I found I could maintain a relatively linear passage – while rolling a cigarette. I must have misjudged the angles on this occasion though and a number of times ran onto the gravel along the road’s edge.

Cigarette rolled I looked up to see beseeching police lights in my rear view. Of course I pulled over immediately. “Morning sir,” said the officer with a suspicious tone.

“Don’t call me sir,” I responded with ebullience, “I’m no better than you are.”

“You got a reason for driving so erratically back there, sir?”

“Oh, ah,” I hesitated, dropping the now-dead cigarette on the floor, not expecting to be able to impress this officer with my feat of multi-tasking, “I was, doing some, ah, preening.”

A prolonged pause ensued; given my dishevelled facade the policeman seemed incredulous that I would be the least bit bothered about maintaining my appearance. “Well,” he said finally, “just be sure to pull over next time – safely – you almost went off the road a couple of times back there.”

“Surely not,” I drawled facetiously, watching as the policeman surreptitiously checked for a current registration and WOF before returning his eyes to my grinning face. “All good..?” I asked smugly.

“Just be more careful in the future,” he said before walking back to his car.

The point is that there is a lot more to distract us from driving than our bloody cell phones and most of those things aren’t illegal either.

 

 

Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Tex Tang

Photography by Mr Plod