New Zealand has been revealed as the third fattest country in the modern world.

Fortunately the New Zealand Health Board has established that this “unhealthy disease” begins at childhood and is in the process of developing tests which will single out these “unhealthily overweight” children to remedy their “disease” before it goes terminal.

Gosh, that must be a terrible weight off the minds of all the morbidly obese parents out there; what a relief to know it’s not their fault anymore and that they no longer have to accept responsibility for their biological state – it’s their kids’ fault…

These tests will theoretically allow the parents to step in and make some dietary and/or lifestyle changes to correct the problem before these currently chubby, potentially obese children reach adulthood.

…Although I would’ve said, the chances are if the kid’s already a pudgy little monster it’s likely because the parents have little idea of good dietary and/or lifestyle habits…

Obesity is set to overtake smoking as the nation’s biggest killer and while – depending who you speak to and what study you read – I was certain that it already had, like smoking, the Government is against it.

…One silly mother was quoted voicing her belief that the impending run of testing for overweight children is simply “Another way for the Government to invade our privacy and tell us how to live…”, which I felt was a wonderfully insightful and not all contrived piece of free-thinking.

The problem largely, as we already know, is sugar. Kids load their little bodies up with so much complex carbohydrate that they just cannot use it all and as for the portly parents who distribute these treats, well, simply, you ought to know better.

Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Port-Lee P Rent

Photography by Larr Darse