After an onslaught of damning evidence against him the Chris Cairns defence team has finally called its first, and only, witness.

It was Chris Cairns himself, which must have been a bit worrying…

Mr Cairns is now, obviously under oath, being forced to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, about whether he lied in the past, thus perjured himself, in the ultimate question of deception, regarding the match-fixing in which so many have claimed he was indeed complicit.

…Yet some who testified against Chris Cairns in this ongoing perjury trial are already implicated in the cargo net of deceit making their veracity, in my opinion, questionable; if movies have taught me anything it’s that a man with little to lose can be made to say almost anything against anyone.

This is undoubtedly the Defence’s angle and you know, I think they’re right. If Cairns continues to outright deny any association with match-fixing, then hearsay and conjecture notwithstanding, the Prosecution can’t prove a damn thing against him.

On the topic of outright guilty denial one just needs look at the likes of Lance Armstrong, or Oscar Pistorious, and see how well they’re doing.

Yeah, that’s it Chris: you’re already well past the point of no return so just, deny, deny, deny, you filthy rotten liar.

Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Noah Ria Torn

Photography by Prack Tussed Lier