This week’s theory pertains to the horrendous double-standard that is New Zealand pronunciation.

The most frustrating thing about this issue is that we (the culprits) often don’t even seem aware that we’re (they’re) doing it.

As New Zealanders it is no secret that we’ve been making a concerted effort in recent years to embrace all things Maori culture; particularly the language and of course, correct pronunciation of this aforementioned tongue.

The problem is that White folk (some people like to use the term ‘Pakeha’ but why would I, I’m not Maori), typically, struggle to pronounce the phonetics comprising these Maori words – the majority of which I guarantee were constructed by White folk anyway given that most of today’s Maori words are for things that weren’t even in existence in or around 1840.

My first and perhaps most commonly heard example of the lacking ability of the White tongue to properly enunciate Brown words is, Kauri. To perceive the word through a White eye it looks pretty clear: Cow-ree; apparently that’s wrong though. According to other, more distinguished White tongues it’s actually Co-dee. The thing is though when ‘Co-dee’ is translated by a Brown tongue it becomes Co-rree – which is actually pretty close to my first stab, but not actually the point of this exercise.

This merely exemplifies the ridiculous lengths to which White folk are going to ensure they ‘respect’ Maori culture; but I ask you, as much as we like to try and show respect for our own pseudo-indigenous race, and as much as we expect all other nations to do the very same, what about our treatment of other nations’ indigenous cultures?

To elaborate, White Kiwis spend so much time managing the painstaking pronunciation of Maori words (the Co-dees, the Toe-poors, the Kid-did-dus – New Zealand Wood Pigeon, or Kereru – and the My-dee-hoes – the Christchurch area of Mairehau), yet when it comes to other nations’ culturally significant pronunciations, we seem to put them in our mouths, chew them up then spit them into the gutter.

My first example is sickeningly simple; it’s the nation of Ireland. According to the indigenous Irish language that second letter, the ‘r’ there, is not to be overlooked, thus Ire-land – similar to how it looks I guess – yet in New Zealand, the supposed home of cultural sensitivity, we dribble out the name as if it’s no better than any other Northern Island.

Moving on, what about Glasgow? Prominent Scottish city, pronounced by the natives as Gluuzzgor, yet butchered by the Kiwi tongue – the Co-dee, the Toe-poor, the Kid-did-du and the My-dee-hoe tongue – to resemble something akin to Gliss-go.

My theory therefore which, if I don’t quickly conclude is going to be lost amid a torrent of indignant exasperation and spittle spume as I rapidly read back through what’s just been written, is that as proud New Zealanders, much as we might like to think we are politically perfect, culturally composed and of course, flawless in every other way imaginable, we are in fact, perhaps unwittingly or maybe entirely wittingly, committing the greatest offence known to me; the offence of hypocrisy.

Pull your head in, New Zealand, don’t be a double-standard.

Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Pru Nancy/A Shinn

Photography by Trav S Ty