In light of the suggestive nature of the above heading, this week’s Theory shall be considered both risqué and provocative.

I don’t know what it is yet though, so just give me a moment…

Indeed this week’s Theory pertains to the way that women like to maintain they exert a monumental effort to look their best ‘because that’s what you men expect’, and do themselves up to such a ridiculously superficial level ‘just to make you men happy’, while we male counterparts apparently have to do so little.

…The first point lies within the female-spoken phrase, variations of which I have heard multiple times: ‘We spend so much time doing ourselves up for you guys – hair removal, makeup, skin care and all that – then you guys just like come in straight off the farm stinking of cow shit…’…

Agreed, some women do spend an inordinate amount of time, and put in a great deal of effort presenting themselves; but is it really just to impress men?

…The female argument therefore is that there is unjust inequality regarding the time and effort thus overall standard of appearance surrounding the man/woman façade, but then while this inequality might be reality, is its existence necessarily men’s doing, or is it self-imposed? …

The fact is if a woman presented herself to the public wearing tatty clothes and looking ultimately dishevelled she likely wouldn’t so much upset other people as much as she would upset herself.

…Most men can relate to the frustration at being ready to go out, being right on the verge of departure, then having to wait as the woman suddenly requires additional time to ‘touch up’ something or to ‘redo’ something else…

Most men aren’t terribly hung up about those finer details of a woman’s appearance that she obviously considers of paramount importance; honestly, most men don’t even notice.

…Yet when a man complains about how much time a woman needs to ‘make herself beautiful’ he is invariably scorned and given the speech on how she has to do all these things while he has to do none of them and how it’s all for him anyway…

No woman will ever admit that the excess of time she spends on her façade is more for her than anyone else but that is the truth of the matter – nobody cares about the state of a woman’s appearance as much as she does.

…Admittedly women do have a great deal of upkeep with the hair removal (the nature of which, incidentally, hair or no hair, regarding the pubic region at least, I have never heard a man complain), the skin care (something which, in today’s modern world, most men do also), the makeup (an area which most men will agree is usually overdone), then there’s the hair washing (which I concede does take longer for girls) and lastly of course the choosing between the twenty different outfits that despite all being very much similar all look totally different depending on how fat you’re feeling…

My theory therefore is that as much as our feminine counterparts might like to try to convince themselves that their so called beautification time is not wasting time and in fact is all for us rather than primarily for them, is a pristine example of female delusion.

…Enough said.

Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Bill D Pippi

Photography by Pue Buck Ridgen