As New Zealand prepared to take on England in the 2019 Rugby World Cup semi-final, after the respective anthems had been sung, all in my viewing vicinity were impressed to see the English team assume a proud ‘V’ formation to receive the All Blacks Haka.

I recall my aunt being delighted at England’s stoicism; I on the other hand felt that, while it was good to see the opposition to an All Blacks Haka standing firm rather than, as I feel I have witnessed in past Tests, allowing this confusing declaration of war/greeting/farewell/celebration/pretension to effectively defeat them before the game had begun, I was aware that somebody, somewhere would likely perceive England’s staunch stance as ‘disrespectful’ toward this ‘proud Maori tradition’ of ours.

My aunt and I discussed it at the time, concluding that it was about time somebody – as teams used to do in the years before professional rugby turned soft – properly stood up to the All Blacks Haka; although, as I did point out, the pansies at the NZRFU would probably kick up a stink at England’s show of pride, labelling it in some way ‘disrespectful’ toward Maori culture…

Realistically there was no reason anybody needed to have disapproved; all England had done, simply, was not allow their national team to be emasculated by a nation with little else for their sporting fanatics to do but to pour their energy into their national sport, rugby.

…Sure enough, in the days following New Zealand’s capitulation to the English juggernaut (who would curiously go on to be defeated in the final by South Africa’s Springboks, a team who were previously beaten by the All Blacks), not unexpectedly there was official upset at, yes, ‘English Disrespect Toward the All Blacks Haka’.

Upon hearing of this supposed disharmony, I recall uttering a humourless chuckle. Are we so small, so weak, so very precious; is this the Kiwi way of trying to compensate for our team’s less-than-dominating performance, for the fact our mighty All Blacks weren’t allowed complete control over proceedings from beginning to end?

The All Blacks were outplayed by an English side which used injury breaks and other stall-tactics to slow the momentum of the game thereby, presumably to the chagrin of Kiwi viewers everywhere, preventing the All Blacks from exemplifying their superior game-pace thus taking control of the match and, as they do so frequently that their ardent followers may just have forgotten how to lose, winning.

The All Blacks Haka, New Zealand’s way of boosting themselves into winning form, a display which despite being done by no other major team at the World Cup tournament, according to those in the higher positions, must apparently be accepted by opposing sides with a show of meek respectfulness (pathetic gutlessness).

My opinion: let the All Blacks perform their beloved Haka for self-motivation if they wish, but perhaps let’s keep it confined to the changing rooms.

The rest of the world doesn’t really need to see it.

Article by Tim Walker

Edited by K A Mate

Photography by Slappy Thighs