Be Advised: Do NOT Enter this window if you are hoping to find tasteful content. The following is an uncharacteristically risqué piece but, as always, it is reality.
Also, given this entry is being shared through Facebook thus age restrictions are going to be not particularly commanding, I leave discretion to the mature minds of precocious delinquents around the world to decide if you’re mature enough to wear the R18 tag.
There. Hopefully those first few paragraphs filled Facebook’s introduction window; if not, this will. Good. Let us begin.
More than once I have heard women, sometimes while drunk, usually while surrounded by their peers, complaining, mocking, ridiculing their male counterparts, regarding topics such as: ‘Oh yeah, he only lasts five minutes, anyway…’
Every time I overheard the above, or similar, criticism, seriously, I almost choked in exasperation; therefore, now, on behalf of men everywhere, I offer this rebuttal: ‘Excuse me, women, I have never gone for more than five minutes without one of you complaining, ‘Oh, I need a break’, ‘No, I’m getting too sore’, or, you’re panting so damned heavily I fear you might be going into cardiac arrest, so, I mean, honestly, the fuck are you all talking about?’ You moan about how ‘most guys are so lame in bed’, about how much you want ‘stamina in the bedroom’; some of you brag about how you ‘love it hard’, how you ‘like a man to treat you bad in bed’, or how you ‘like it rough’, then when it’s given to you the way you apparently want it, you silly slappers can’t take even five minutes of hard love. Huh, I always thought pretentious men made the biggest blowhards but no, it’s silly women.
Another common female criticism is regarding the size of a man’s package. Over the years I have heard countless women glorifying ‘big cocks’, and similarly deriding smaller ones. Seriously, blowhards. Give them bigger, give it to them as hard as they claim to want it, for as long as they claim to want it and, huh, most won’t last even three minutes before complaining that something is upsetting them.
It might go something like this; in the beginning I’m told, ‘Just fuck me.’ Soon after that I’m further encouraged, ‘Fuck me harder … Faster … Harder…’ Then only minutes after that transition, upon doing only as I have been beseeched, the complaints might begin: ‘Oh, are you gonna, oh, finish soon? … Oh, can’t you just, oh, cum now? … Oh, I’m getting cramp, oh, oh, can we stop? … Oh, can we take a break, oh, oh, please?’
At this point I might quip something along the lines of, ‘Shit I’m sorry, I thought you said you wanted me to fuck you like a slut, all night long…?’
There it is; despite performing exactly how I (might) have been instructed, bringing to the game only what I was told to bring, presumably by the same variety of woman who openly complains to her gaggle about ‘most guys being so pitiful in the sack’, once again I might discover that, although sometimes, yes, it will be the men, invariably women do not perform sexually the way they claim they will. (Like I said before, though, this is purely a rebuttal for all those men in the world who, despite doing their best to please women with the equipment at their disposal, are still the target of derision; if necessary I can do the other side of the story at a later date – don’t label me a misogynistic pig just yet, thank you.)
Scientists/prudes talk about pornography skewing the perception of sexual reality for men; what about for women? Most likely they only make all these ridiculous claims about the desirability of perverted sexual exploits because it’s been so comprehensively embellished in pornography.
Do not misunderstand me, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying sensual (as opposed to firmer) pleasure with a smaller (as opposed to a larger) phallus but, if this is your preference, women, stop crapping on about the glamorous world and overall appeal of massive cocks performing all-night BDSM or similar.
Most guys aren’t into that kind of thing anyway and yes, the national average is 6 inches and 5 minutes; therefore, all you are doing, rather than endearing yourself to idiot males with your drunken smut-talk, is fuelling a common male shortcoming by pervading a sense of inadequacy.
Let’s not forget, the harder a man pretends to be in the eyes of a woman, generally, the more insecure he is in life.
Article by Tim Walker
Edited by Donna Lykit-Hard
Photography by Dirk Diggler