In the beginning, like so many Western men, for me the allure of Philippines could be summarised in one word: women.

Now, regarding Philippines, the term ‘women’ makes me want to throw up a little.

The worst thing, though, it’s not just the women who leave a taste of bile on my tongue; it’s Philippines.

It began last year, November ’22, following a successful tour of, and honourable discharge from, Vietnam; along my passage home I thought I could push my luck a little further and stop off in the reputed paradise of ‘The Philippines’.

Interesting how, whenever I am planning a trip somewhere, even before I physically notify anyone, suddenly half the world seems to know (makes me wonder, how secure are Facebook ‘personal messages’; yeah, perhaps a fair assertion that Mr Facebook is taking a cut from Mr Google as they sit around munching Cookies thinking up new and invasive ways to get their pop-ups seen).

While still in Vietnam I was besieged with Facebook friend requests from Filipino ladies; seriously, just the women, which was peculiar because, as it would turn out, 97% of Filipino women have ‘broken phones’, and need between 1000 and 4000 Pesos for a new one (so, although I never saw it, I guess these ladies must be using laptops for their on-the-go social media gold-digging/time-wasting).

“Wonderful,” I would say, “I’ll be in your country soon, we’ll catch up, get you a new phone…”

Those communications seldom went any further which was maybe because, as I now understand, you’re unlikely to get a new phone in Philippines for under 5000.

I’d been friends for years with a woman from Butuan, Philippines; she was bright, funny, beautiful, slim – in Philippines a ‘slim woman’ over the age of 18 is rare – seemed wonderful, and the best thing, although she did once mention her broken phone, she had never once asked me for money.

It was set; Vietnam to New Zealand, via Butuan, Philippines.

Awesome. Another Third World airport, more rain delays, not unexpected, angry White man (“…fuckin’ shambles, couldn’t organise a fuckin’ piss-up in a brewery…”), presumed Australian, not unexpected, subdued bedlam, not unexpected, malfunctioning technology, frustrating; not intolerable.

From Saigon to Manila, Manila to Butuan; another almost 24-hour sleepless period – wouldn’t have been bad but for a 9-hour (outdoor) wait at Manila airport to catch the plane down to Butuan. The upside, I was able to experience my first Philippines taxi scam; seedy-looking middle-aged cretin tried to charge me USD50 for the ride between airport terminals – having missed the airport shuttle through ignorance this taxi driver saw the opportunity to exploit the ‘idiot American’ (as all White folk seem to be to Filipinos), but hadn’t wagered on the idiot being a seasoned Southeast Asian traveller – remaining calm, I flicked on the inside light (4am), found the conveniently ‘misplaced’ price chart, and scrolled down to ‘T1 -T2 300P’.

Suffice to say, I paid him 300 Pesos, told him he was a shithead (by then he was claiming ‘no English’, anyway), and disembarked. Incidentally, USD50 is more than PHP2500.

Still running my Vietnamese SIM, I had maintained contact with my Philippines acquaintance until I left Vietnam; having notified her of my scheduled arrival time in Butuan – she had agreed to pick me up at the airport – having reassured her, ‘Do not be discouraged if/when we lose contact, I won’t have a Philippines SIM, and WIFI at some airports require that. Just be there, hundred percent, I will be there at 06:05.’

Just five minutes past my scheduled arrival – unsure how that works, we left Manila over an hour late – I was unsurprised to find my airport pickup absent; this trait of Philippines people (‘Not all Filipino people’) was one that I would see a lot in the coming months and regarding a variety of topics, this (‘Sorry, not all, just most – many’) is a discussion I would have had numerous times.

Eventually, over two hours later, with much assistance from airport staff, I logged into some characteristically unreliable airport WIFI and reminded/roused my pickup to come get me; thus, marks almost 24 hours sleepless travel and the first leg of my tour.

 

Philippines, not unlike much of Southeast Asia, seems to embrace a culture of dishonesty yet, unlike, say, Vietnam – where, as a tourist, you might turn up, be lied to, cheated, have all your money swindled on the first day/night – if you wish to leave that scene, there’s always places you can go in Vietnam that are relatively honest and do not maintain such a duplicitous culture; although, admittedly, I have only visited, I think, five islands (of around 2000 inhabited) and been located in four different regions, having spoken candidly to a expanse of locals who claim to have experienced much of their country’s offerings, at least implicitly, I am led to believe that Cebu is one of the more ‘honourable’ destinations in Philippines.

For country whose income is based on tourism, I find this concerning.

 

 

Article by Tim Walker

Edited by D C Ving

Photography by Philip P Nass