Tim Walker on Election Week

Politicians. Yeah, I know heaps more dirty words too…

Caucus, incumbent, lobbyist, impeachment, mandate, doublespeak, disinformation, confederate, conservative, economy, back-bencher, totalitarian, utilitarian, republican, populist, fascist, socialist, dictator, quota, democracy, ballot, by-law, balance of power, constituent, candidate, referendum and the clincher, election.

Gosh. That’s a lot of argot for an assortment of pompous individuals who carry out jobs I’m sure some feel would be more adroitly accomplished by a throng of rabid chimpanzees…

When they’re not besmirching they’re digging for dirt with which they can later besmirch; when they’re not whinging, moaning or bitching they’re cogitating on material to inspire their next big theatrical moment; when they’re not hurling faeces at one another they’re accumulating faeces to hurl.

In theory politicians are straight-talking, transparent, personable and generally charismatic people; in reality they are deceitful, ignominious, insincere, unscrupulous and generally odious actors. In theory politicians are assertive people who have dedicated their lives to ensuring that our great nation proceeds with efficiency, efficacy and prosperity; in reality they are dilatory procrastinators who would struggle with the decision of boxers over briefs let alone how best to run a nation – spending a week forming a committee to decide who should comprise the next committee or holding another referendum to allow the people to decide if it’s necessary to hold so many bloody referendums, or if it’s just a waste of taxpayer money given that the outcome always seems predetermined anyway.

As the election draws nearer politicians will indubitably become that much more smarmy, they’ll want to be seen hugging that many more babies, they’ll force their cheesy grins that much more painfully, they’ll pander that much more feverishly, they’ll lie that much more surreptitiously, they’ll make out like they’ve kept that many more promises; they’ll do everything they can do to try and make you, the New Zealand voting public, declare your allegiance to them…

So, who are you gonna believe?



Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Des Parridge

Photography by Cam Payne

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