Pretty sure I’m not malingering this time, either – this time I heard the ‘pop’.

Circumstantial – knuckles, for instance, ‘pop’ without injury.

Yes, but the injury in question had been injurious long before the ‘pop’.

Please tell the jury then, if the injury had long been injurious, what was the subject doing enduring undue stress during the time of said injury?

What are you saying, undue? It’s pronounced, jiu jitsu.

And are we to believe this was the origin of the injury then, this jiu jitsu?

Don’t recall the origin exactly but it certainly aggravated the existing injury, thereby, as stated, rendering it more injurious.

And what of the ‘pop’ – how is the exacerbation caused at this, jiu jitsu game, related to the ‘pop’?

Ah, the ‘pop’.

Yes, the ‘pop’.

The ‘pop’ occurred Thursday afternoon, after having nursed the injury through from Tuesday night.

But you claimed the injury was pre-existing..?

Well, I don’t know about pre-existing but, certainly, it already existed when back-slams coupled with knee-drops to aggravate the issue.

And this is where you claim to have heard the ‘pop’..?

No, too much background noise – don’t reckon I would have even heard a ‘crack’.

So that was Tuesday..?

That is correct – Tuesday night I came home nursing severe rib pain.

But there was no ‘pop’ Tuesday night..?

Hell, there might have been but like I said, I doubt if I’d have heard it.

So there might have been a ‘pop’ Tuesday night, but you are unwilling to attest to this..?

That is correct.

And this ‘pop’ you did hear, that was, Thursday, yes?

Also correct.

What about Wednesday?

Wednesday is the day between Tuesday and Thursday.

Thank you – the question alluded to rib condition..?

Wednesday, after a dreadful sleep of being confined to one particular position, the discomfort was much improved, thank you.

But Tuesday it was severe, yes?

Tuesday night, once the evening adrenalin had worn off, yes, severe would be one way of describing it.

Would you prefer another?

Excruciating.

Right, so Tuesday the pain was excruciating, Wednesday it was less so – what of Thursday?

Thursday I imagined I was on the mend; I was even planning that evening’s excursion.

That would be this, Jiu JItsu, yes?

That is correct.

But did you honestly think that the rib pain experienced on a Tuesday night of a reported, excruciating level, could be sufficiently rehabilitated to partake in such a pastime as, jiu jitsu, just two days later – that Thursday?

Don’t forget though, it was an existing injury; it had been coming and going for some time – indeed, I was well accustomed.

Granted, but substantial damage, by which I mean, the ‘pop’, only occurred Tuesday, is this correct?

That is incorrect; the ‘pop’ occurred on Thursday.

The very same Thursday you intended to attend your, jiu jitsu, game..?

That is correct – but the intention in question was formed prior to the ‘pop’.

So, to clarify, the injury was sustained on Tuesday night –

That is incorrect; I say again, the injury was existing.

Of course, this phantom injury sustained at the hand of, we know not what..?

No need to be sarcastic, but yes, I do not know exactly when the rib in question became questionable – might have been caused through countless bumps, knocks, strains or bruises picked up over the years, or, it could have been the result of any number of high-speed bicycle tumbles.

That sounds acceptable; so again, to clarify for the jury: this existing injury was first exacerbated on Tuesday night, where, after a fitful night’s sleep the injury was, oddly, improved, by Wednesday; then to Thursday, where an apparent lack of forethought, sensibility, bodily compassion, or even a modicum of basic understanding towards the fragility of one’s aging physique, resulted in the rib going ‘pop’, resulting in the subject’s current injured state – how was that?

Yeah, sounds about right.

So, what’s on tomorrow – day of rest, perhaps?

Well, no, obviously I have to catch up on the work I missed today on account of a gammy ribcage.

Of course; so what are the chances, do we think, of seeing out the day without further aggravating the injury in question?

Couldn’t say exactly – I’ll be sure to listen for a ‘pop’.

Touche.

 

 

Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Gemmy Rob Cage

Photography by Inca Pacy Tatin