Tim Walker’s Fatties

Researchers have discovered, of all things, that residing near a busy road or perhaps beneath a regular flight path can lead to ‘weight gain’.

Well, if nothing else I’m glad that researchers are finally researching something worthwhile although personally, your so called ‘weight gain’ has probably more to do with a frightful lack of self control, leading to egregious eating habits, resulting in the harbouring of a lot more fat than you would ideally want languishing under your skin.

According to research this ostensibly inexplicable ‘weight gain’ due to living near busy roads or frequent flight paths can in fact be explained. In a few words: comfort eating.

Apparently the excess of noise and overall disruption caused by the aforementioned traffic (air traffic’s still traffic, smart arse), can lead to heightened stress levels, further leading to increased appetite; resulting in no snack food left in the house.

Here’s my question: If you know you’re prone to comfort eating and the subsequent fat that this brings about, why would you even keep ‘snack food’ in the house?

Three meals a day is the most rudimentary eating plan I’ve ever heard and what’s more, generally, it’s all we need. Don’t go blaming the bloody planes flying overhead or the cars hurtling by outside for your desire to rip into that pack of chocolate biscuits only half an hour after mealtime.

Researchers long ago discovered that if any noise is consistently recurring, after a given period of time, the human mind does accustom.

People always told me that shift workers and other folk who worked interesting hours resulting in sleep deprivation often ‘gained weight’ (I always thought taking up the sport of body-building was a good way, too) but as far as I saw across a selection of four people embarking on shift-work around a decade ago, the two men became immediately chubby then promptly pulled it back to a reasonable state; the women began swelling also and while one managed to regain control, the other appeared quite content with her new shape, maintaining, “Oh, it’s just the shift-work, they told us to expect an increase of up to ten Ks in the first twelve months – ha, I’ve still got two Ks to go!”

What I extrapolated from this is that, firstly, nobody should ever tell a woman that she is ‘allowed’ or ‘expected’ to gain ‘up to ten kilograms in twelve months’ and secondly, it was these four shift workers’ severe reduction in sensible eating habits that lead to their severe gains in weight.

Sure, hormones, chemicals and the like play an additional part but if the planes flying over your head and the cars rushing by your window are causing you undue anxiety and a subsequent fear of weight gain, hey, stop, take a breath and focus.

Stay sensible, maintain proper eating habits and perhaps include in your regime some daily exercise – it’ll do wonders for all that stress.



Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Kea Pitt Real

Photography by Dona B A Faddy

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