New Zealand’s District Health Boards have decided to take some medical advice and ban sugary drinks.

It seems the logical step after revelations that today’s children are fatter than ever and the adults who supposedly provide the direction, well, they’re little better.

Most soft drinks on sale in New Zealand contain an inordinate sugar content and while some manufacturers attempt to circumvent this truth with claims of ‘energy drinks’, in most cases nobody, particularly children, need that much extra sugar in their diets.

Childhood obesity and in fact obesity in general would soon be eradicated if instead of the high sugar, highly processed diets of the Western world, we followed a diet plan more akin to the humble Panda; which might just be the selling point behind Prime Minister John Key’s decision to pay $20 million to bring a few of the aforementioned critters to New Zealand’s shores.

Reportedly he’s only paying half that though; the council thus ratepayer is said to be footing the rest of that bill, so give me a minute…

That’s a terrible lot of money exchanging hands for an enterprise about which you just know the people have had little say.

…$20 mill for pandas plus $25 mill for flag plus the cost of 32 new BMWs – how much is that?

It’s alright though because the Department of Internal Affairs – the recipients of the BMWs – have ensured that they’re eco-friendly, so that’s something, and have decided also that it will be more cost effective to lease rather than to purchase the cars outright, because as we all know, ten years down the road the leased vehicles will have a much better resale..?

You’ve lost me.

Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Lucious Sweet

Photography by Pon De Leese