Tim Walker’s Stats

So who’s gonna win the cup do ya reckon?

The Webb Ellis Trophy, you mean..?

Yeah, the World Cup – who’s gonna win?

Well not England, anyway.

Oh yeah, they lost.

Twice – to Wales and to Australia.

Yeah, and apparently they’re the only team to be hosting it and then to be out of it before even the quarters…

Yes, similar to how Jonah Lomu is the only player to have ever scored fifteen tries in a Rugby World Cup.

Oh yeah, and he scored the most points too…

Really, I had a feeling that was Jonny Wilkinson..?

Oh yeah, yeah but Lomu went the furtherest.

Ah … Yes, alright, Jonah Lomu does hold the record for the most metres covered in a Rugby World Cup –

Yeah, told ya, he went the furtherest.

Dude, either he went the furthest or he went the farthest, he did not go the furtherest, alright?

Oh … He went pretty far though, like, over a kilometre – it’s pretty far.

Very far, hence farthest … Hey, I might be asking the wrong person here but don’t you find it idiotic the way these Rugby World Cup tournament organisers/promoters/media commentators seem to find stats on practically anything?

What, you mean like who won?

No, I would consider that quite a reasonably statistic, no I mean more pointless and obscure stats such as … Well that one you said about England being the first host team to be eliminated before the quarter finals – do you not find that asinine?

Ah, I dunno.

Well it’s like, I’m hearing a lot of these stats and just thinking, ‘Yeah but so what?’ I mean, you’d have to agree that many of these figures and game stats they put across are trivial..?

Ah, I dunno.

It’s as if the commentators feel they need more to talk about, more comparisons to make and such, so they’ve come up with these pointless little factoids like, ‘If New Zealand win this Rugby World Cup they’ll be the first nation to win it in consecutive years’, which in my opinion is an utterly pointless stat but of course they couldn’t say ‘…the first team to win it twice’, because that was Australia in ’91 then again in ’99, but if Australia had won it in ’91 and ’95, thus back to back, that silly fact-finding team would have had to dig up something else like, perhaps, ‘If New Zealand win this Rugby World Cup they’ll be the first team to have won it twice while playing both times with the current most capped player in international rugby’, or something equally long-winded and daft.

Ah, yeah, prob’ly.

Yeah, I might go and talk to someone else.



Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Bic T Bach

Photography by Stupe Ed Stass


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *