This week’s Theory pertains to the theory of realisation – I just realised that I don’t know the Roman numeral for the number 50.

Given that the essence of the aforementioned numerals with their ‘three after’ then ‘one before’ technique, thus ‘VIII’ then ‘IX’, and with this, number 38, being the one before ‘one before’ (Roman numeral for) 50, to write next week’s Roman numeral I believe I would in fact need to use the Roman numeral for 50 because while XXX is accepted as the worldwide representation for (smut or) 30, XXXX (Australian beer or 40) would actually become ‘one before’ (the Roman numeral for) 50. Right, so, with that explained in the most straightforward language I can muster, I can now get back to my theory.

My theory therefore is that without knowledge of the Roman numeral for 50, coupled with an inexplicable excess of pride preventing a simple Google search which could in seconds uncover that very answer, there is absolutely no way of documenting next week’s Theory.

This comes as a not entirely gut-wrenching revelation for a number of reasons: firstly, after so many Theories I fear I have reached the bottom of my theory receptacle; also I don’t think I’d be the only one to say the Theories were beginning to push for substance anyway and, as demonstrated above, if one reads carefully enough one should be able to make out the way I’ve had to (arguably) cleverly manipulate wording of the aforementioned content to make it say what I’ve needed it to say which, as I’ve found, is ultimately the essence of all good theories. The other reason this ‘end of Theories’ decision hasn’t left me overly downtrodden, after (mildly) increased demand it seems the logical thing to occupy the Wednesday Theory timeslot, is actually the Friday Fustigator.

Because ‘Wednesday Fustigator’ doesn’t roll off the tongue with nearly the level of fluidity as its Friday counterpart however, I am compelled to continue development of the Friday Fustigator then depending on opinion/demand/lack of hate-mail etc, there might soon be a Monday Fustigator for all you conundrum Cassies out there, I don’t know.

Nice one.

Article by Tim Walker

Edited by Ty Misca Chang-Jin

Photography by Fist E Gator